"Please hold all applause until the end...."

I hope I can entertain and take you away from work for a few moments.

TOP TEN things that need to change (and solution):

10. Fast teenage drivers. SOLUTION: Steeper fines for speeding under the age of 21 and minimum horsepower cars for intital registration.
9. Slow elderly drivers. SOLUTION: Opposite of #10.
8. Tickle/Dancing/Hug Me Elmo. SOLUTION: Where to start?
7. Smokers. SOLUTION: REALLY raise tax and only raise their insurance rates without affecting everyone elses.
6. Country Music "twang" sound. SOLUTION: Make the singers eat nothing but Premium Saltine crackers all day.
5. Potholes. SOLUTION: FILL THEM UP ! ! It can't be that expensive
4. Mopeds. SOLUTION: Stop getting DUI's and your license suspended.
3. Cold toilet seats. SOLUTION: Save everything for the summer.
2. New York Yankees. SOLUTION: Unfortunately, there isn't one.
1. Arrogant rich people. SOLUTION: SOUL SEARCHING. You didn't build this world so what makes you think you own it.


My Favorite Songs:

1. MORE THAN A FEELING by Boston
2. THUNDERSTRUCK by AC/DC
3. DON'T FEAR (THE REAPER) by Blue Oyster Cult
4. PEARL NECKLACE by ZZ Top
5. LISTEN TO THE MUSIC by The Doobie Brothers



Things to Ponder today:

Have you ever had one piece of paper and two paper clips?
How could you possible consider splitting a "chicklet" with someone else?
Turkey or Chicken gravy?
Michael Jackson or Prince?
Why are gas prices rounded to the nearest tenth? Do you have a "tenth" cent?
Why is our paper currency all the same size?
How much "proof" do you need to know that it is liquor?
Does "dry beer" leave a wet spot when it is spilled?
Why don't women leave the seat up?

How many can you answer correctly? (answer below)

1. What seperates "60 Minutes" on CBS from every other TV show?
2. Half of all american's live witin 50 miles of what?
3. More women do this in the bathroom than men.
4. What do 100% of all lottery winner's do?
5. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you find the letter "A"?
6. What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? 7. What person, not a "Seinfeld" regular cast member, is featured in every episode of Seinfeld?
8. 40% of all people who come to a party in your home do this?
9. What common everyday occurrence is compose of 59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen, 9% dioxide, and 0% love?
10. About 1/3 of all americans say they do this while sitting?


Answers:

1. No theme song/music
2. Their birthplace. This is propinquity
3. Wash their hands. Women ~ 80% and Men ~55%
4. Gain weight
5. One thousand
6. All were invented by women
7. Superman, either by name, pictures, or on Jerry's refridgerator
8. Snoop in your medicine cabinet
9. A fart
10. Flush the toilet

PEACE

A "little bit of everything"

Well, the weekend is gone and Monday is upon us. So with those magical weekend days having passed, I would like to reflect on things that I was thankful for over the weekend. There are several - so try and keep up:

1. Thank you to my wife for a great two days off - just spending time with her is always enjoyable. Even if we are just in the same room without talking. Just knowing she is there puts a smile on my face.

2. Thank you BOSTON RED SOX for taking 2 out of three from the "uh, you know who's" this weekend in the Bronx. Dah, RED SOX win...! ! !

3. Thank you NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS for trading for Randy Moss. Ahh....I can already feel the Arizona heat as I watch the SuperBowl on the plasma screen. Seeing the "flying elvis' will only make it more enjoyable".

4. Thank you to my 93 year old grandfather. Without him, I would not have been able to "weed wack" my yard....Trust me, there is a connection between the two.

5. Thank to my youngest, GREG. We played PS3 Virtual Tennis this weekend. It was the first time I have not seen him play a 'first person shooter' game and he LOVED IT. Ah, sports - what fun and nothing better for the young male egos.

6. Thank you to my oldest Kenny and his girlfried....J - e - s - s - ca....for coming over to have a cookout for my wife on Sunday.

7. Thank you to my computer for not allowing me to log into CNN for once and not seeing all the bad things happening in this world.

8. Thank you to my 'bike pump'...it ACTUALLY WORKED ! ! !

9. Thank you to my dog for not laying "parallel" in a "perpendicular" bed last night.

10. And finally, thank you to everyone who has a goal set for the day....mine - type this blog.

Xie Xie,
Scott

MY ASS HURTS

You ever get in the mood to type something but for some reason, you can't think of anything to write? Well, that is the kind of mood I am in right now.

Since I arrived at work this morning, I have thought about "The Office", my wife's birthday, a trip to China, and my movie projector. But as I struggled thought this Friday, one thing is obvious to me...MY ASS HURTS ! ! !

Have you ever sat on a horse and had the horse jump up and down so hard you could feel it for a week? I haven't. But if I could imagine it, this is probably what it would feel like the next morning.

As my ass is still hurting, there are several things I could do to make it better...without everyone in the office noticing. For this fact, I have chosen the "less subtle" but very effective method of "ass to chair grinding" (ahh, that feels good...right there on that spot).

I hope this pain goes away soon and I TRULY hope that my imformative writing has brought to front a very problematic state. Nothing is more serious at this very moment than my ass hurting.

So as everyone is writing their blogs about daily events and accomplishments...I want to you think of one thing...MY ASS HURTS ! ! !

Intelligence is the "Ability to Self Analyze"

Where to start? This being my first "blog" and with alot of my friend doing it, I feel a little "added pressure" just to keep up with them. Reading some blogs they have posted in the past, it appears that the first step is a good "grabber line" to get everyone's attention...let's see (think, think, think)....

GOT IT ! ! ! ! " I HAVE A DREAM"....(nope, already been done)...
How's this? "And the Boston Red Sox win their first world title in 86 years"...(that is good...but again, not original).

I guess a simple word with suffice....ARGH ! ! !

As I try to get back into working out, I always seem to run into wall that I seemingly always place in front of me. For example, last evening I ventured out on a "modest" run becuase I was simply in the mood and knew that I needed to do it. So, I strapped up my shoes, put on my best shirt, and hit the road...WALKING.

That's right...a blistering 15 min/mile pace - Just for the first few yards. To be quite honest, my run consisted of about 1 mile of walking and 100 feet or running. How could this be? I am the survivor of the Goofy Challenge (39.3miles) ! ! ! And that was just a few months ago.

I guess the simplest answer is that I recently have not had the ability recently to "self-analyze" where I am or what my expectations are of myself. Only intelligent people have the ability to do this right? Pondering on these words, I do not claim to be intelligent, but I am a very capable and smart individual that should - in the face of adversity - step up and push through the pain in my legs, mind, and heart.

Self Analyzation is an intangible thought that cannot be fed with extra food, extra rest, or even extra support from others. It is the ability to reach deep within ones soul, heart, and mind, and filter out all the stuff that clogs dreams and aspirations.

Because of my inability over the last few months to push through training...I am being left behind. Left behind by my friends who I have run with for so long. Left behind in the coldness of my own shadow (becuase that is my only running partner). My pride keeps me away from my old running group in fear of this shadow actually passing me and leaving me in last.

I am having a difficult time getting this "soon to be" 38 year old body to respond. Not trying to come up with excuses...but is hard battling off the aches and pains I feel so I come up with reasons in my head why putting off running is a good idea for that moment. Before I know it, one moment turns into two, and then 3....soon, a month has passed and my desire has left me.

Maybe this blog is the first step to becoming an intelligent person? Maybe I have finally analyzed myself? Maybe it is time....to walk faster? NOPE....time to RUN and get these bones in shape.

I miss my friends and I miss time I spend with my wife on the road running. Today we are going cycling and I look forward to it. She is my "crutch", my "cape", and "my best friend".

So now that I have seemingly reached a "right of passage" and analyzed myself to the "nth" degree...what is next?

Well...here is the list (no particular order except #1 has to stay #1):

1. Love my wife more than the previous day
2. Red Sox win the World series again

That is the list....(just kidding)....I am getting "back on the wagon" and cycling tonight.

Looking back at this blog, I realized what the 'grabber line' should have been at the beginning of this blog....

"Pain is but a memory...hopefully my memory SUCKS"

Scott